Breaking Fake News :: Whitehouse announced the policy to end all threats to the airline security problems

Washington DC[ 00.14AM local time ]: A visibly tired and red eyed White house press secretary Robert Gibbs has made important policy announcements to sparsely packed sleepy room of white house correspondents that president Obama has approved the latest changes to the FAA security guidelines.

Effective January 1st, 2010 all airlines would be mandated to bomb proof cargo holds of all airplanes that would be capable of flying more than 6 passengers other than the flight staff. All airlines that have flights flying into and out of United States would be required to take up this measure which is expected to cost around 128 billion dollars. White house has initiated serious consultations with the congress to pass a law that would allow the government to redirect the TARP money recovered from US banks to US airlines to provide funding for the extra costs associated with retrofitting all the air planes.

It has also been pointed out that president Obama has urged the airline industry to consider the following points : since US airlines receive funding from government to implement new security measures and all other international airlines would have to foot the bill them selves, this would provide an undue competitive advantage to Us airlines and that is expected to bring the US airlines out of the red into black if only they stop screwing up their  advantage by using their usual dick head ways of antagonizing airline passengers and general public.

It has also been announced that effective March 1st, 2010 all traveling passengers would be required to undress at the airports and check in their cloths along with luggage and they would be provided scrubs and sandals to change into. The airport provided clothing would be certified by FAA to be chemical and explosive free and that would prevent the would be terrorists to use their shoes or underwear as explosive devices. Even if their cloths or shoes have the explosives, the bomb proof cargo bases  of airlines would prevent any damage to the airline or the passenger safety.

ACLU, which has raised the privacy concerns over the proposed millimeter wave x-ray machines deployment in national airports has welcomed this measure as a victory for passenger privacy and also cautioned for continuous monitoring of change rooms for hidden video cameras or other photographic devices.

Stocks of airport security monitoring x-rays machines manufacturers have tumbled on the wall street in anticipation of this announcement where as the ratings of cloth manufacturers have received an upgrade.

Paris Hilton who was returning from a late night party has commented on this news and wished for a passenger choice to purchase exquisite cashmere scrubs for extra price and hoped that she would not see a day  where all passengers would be dressed in the same colored and same quality scrubs causing a fashion chaos.

Update [ 08:30 AM localtime ] Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has assured the public that passengers would have the choice to select from multiple varieties of scrubs to meet their preferences and that business class and first class passengers would be offered  a variety of silk scrubs to chose from.
Post a Comment

Popular Posts